Let Me Find You Always
by OnginalMaz
Summary: They were only governed by a subconscious desire to come to this place on this night. Their souls cried for each other as they always did when they were parted for too long. They would eventually meet, as they always did. And they would fall in love as they always did. Then they would lose each other, as they always did.


**A/N: So yeah, Enjonine has broken my heart. I think we should all just deal with it. This story will be _long. _It's going to chronicle eight reincarnations, each told from beginning to end in about three chapters. I've received some really nice feedback from people on Tumblr so I hope you guys enjoy this too. Follow me on Tumblr (at onginalmaz . tumblr . com)because I'll always try scenes and ideas I'm not sure about there first. **

_**Let Me Find You Again and Again**_

_**Part I**_

_**Lignones, AD 67**_

The fading lights of the dying sun tried to hold their stake of the night sky. They coloured the landscape with vivid pinks and reds as the darkness threatened to take over. The night's chill was descending and waiting to embrace those foolish enough to brave the streets of Andematunnum, the capitol of Lignones, in the midst of the cold months. It was the time when merchants would be rushing home to their families and wives would be preparing supper. Yet, _they _were always different.

This time she was waiting for him. This body wasn't. _This _Eponine did not know _this _Enjolras. These new human minds did not know the other yet. They did not know of the other's greatest hatreds and loves. Their taste in food and wine. These bodies did not know the other's touch. They did not know the feel of the other's warm embrace on a harsh, cold night or those last fleeting touches before they lost each other all over again.

No. These bodies did not know all that. They were only governed by a subconscious desire to come to this place on this night. Their souls cried for each other as they always did when they were parted for too long. They would eventually meet, as they always did. And they would fall in love as they always did. Then they would lose each other, as they always did.

* * *

_"You must Nina. There will be no more discussion about this."_

The words uttered by her father that day kept bouncing around her head. They resounded louder and louder each time till they were screams threatening to drag her over the brink of madness. Her tears were falling without her permission; she was barely aware of their presence. Eponine could barely feel anything. To Eponine, the cold was an abstract idea on the precipice of her mind as she sat at the banks of the river Marne. The elements could not touch her where she was. They could not break through her shroud of grief. They barely made an imprint in her mind as they slowly froze her limbs. Nothing mattered anymore.

Eponine had always known her father was capable of doing almost anything for money and status but she could never have fathomed him doing this. His business was always in that grey area of the law where one's guilt couldn't be truly proven. He would do anything for a higher status. As a Pregori, a citizen within a conquered land, he had a lower status than some but so much better than most. He was never satisfied with his lot though. His greed was an ugly monster whose head reared at every opportunity. He would sell his own child to feed the monster. _And that is what it has come t_o _._Her mother was no better really. The daughter of a merchant who was young and foolish when she chose to wed and settled for the boy who had seduced her. She had done nothing but stand idly by as her husband informed their eldest child that she was to be wed within a fortnight. Eponine's father had invited her to where he conducted his business and told her "the joyous news". Apparently Commander Julius Magnus' son had yet to wed and the boy had no preference so his father chose for him. The commander had dealt with her father before and thought it would be beneficial for both families. He had proposed the idea to her father who accepted immediately. He had leapt at the opportunity to have his daughter marry a Roman citizen. It would mean she would get a full citizenship instead of the Pregori one she now held. It would no doubt be good for business.

_No matter what I think, it isn't as if I'm the one forced to marry some military brute._Her face twisted into a grimace and more tears streamed down her face as she realised all that she would have to do. She would have to be his wife in _every way. _Somehow in the haze of betrayal that hadn't really registered. It did now though. She would have to lay with a man she had never met before. She would have to perform the duties expected of a wife. A strangled sob escaped her mouth as she dropped her head to her hands. Her breathing got quicker and she found her hands scratching mindlessly at her skin. She felt as if she were trapped in her own body. Her skin was a prison she could not escape, her life a series of pre-planned events that she had no control over. She wished she could escape, wished she could fight, wished she could simply not go through with all of this. But she could do none of that. No one would take in a runaway girl for fear that she is with child and she couldn't get an occupation. She was her father's property for the duration of her life. Not even her husband to be could overrule her father in any decision regarding her. As for the fighting, no matter how strong she was, her betrothed was said to be one of the very best officers in the Roman army. It was one of the things her mother had said as she tried to win her over to the idea. That she would be married to a respected, strong soldier. The only way she could not go through with the marriage was if she were promised to the Vestal Virgins of Rome. There was no way she could join them in time though, they were picky of who they chose to join them. The daughter of a social climbing merchant would never make the cut.

Of course there was one other option for Eponine. An option flirting with the edge of her mind but starting to sound better and better every passing second. She was a fighter by nature though, and this was the utmost act of cowardliness. It went against everything she stood for but marrying a man she did not even know was so much worse_. They cannot wed me to the brute if I am dead... _Eponine stood from the dry part of the bank where she'd come to consider her fate. It was said that drowning was not the kindest of deaths but that could be her mortal punishment from the Gods. They frowned on the taking of one's life but she could pray to Venus to absolve her. The Goddess would surely forgive her if she was trying to save herself from a life with no love. Eponine advanced towards the clear water. There was no pain in the calm depths of the Marne. No sound, no thought; just blissful silence. She found her feet taking the steps towards the water without her mind giving a command. She wondered what the next life would hold. She had no money for the ferrymen of the underworld, Charon, and would most probably be denied entrance into the Underworld. Her feet made contact with the icy water. _Perhaps my spirit will enter a new body._

"Do you really have no other option?"

Eponine was startled and turned to the source of the voice. She'd heard no one come up behind her. This was_her _place. No one from all of Andematunnum ever ventured out here. No one ever wished to disturb the Camenae, the water goddesses. Although any female, water goddess or not, would hardly hurt the man before her. He stood tall, far taller than she, and his looks were almost celestial. Golden curls framed a face that boasted high cheekbones and an underlying passion that seemed to command the very way he stood. He exuded charisma and leadership. He was like an Apollo made flesh for mortals to gaze on. The blasphemy did not even register in her mind, it was the only fitting description she could find. She turned from him to hide the tears on her face; no one could see her when she was weak.

"I would pray that you do not interfere sir. It is my own affair."

"Do not let yourself abandon hope. It is the most powerful tool we mortals have. I do not know you and I know that it is not my place to tell you so, but there are but a few things in this world that are worth losing your life over."

His words sounded logical but the sting in my heart could not be reasoned with. This Apollo did not of my family's betrayal.

"Hope can be scarce to find."

"There is always hope. Ask the Gods for help and they will always answer"

He looked sincere as he said this. He tilted his head up and a longing look flashed briefly across his face. Maybe this Apollo had his own wishes from the Gods.

"Sometimes they do not hear us. Sometimes we are alone."

He looked at her then. A look that spoke of curiosity, how dare a young lady blaspheme and in front of a man no less. He hardly seemed bothered. In fact his mouth curved slightly upwards. She did not know why but his smile made her want to smile too. He moved further toward her and despite societal propriety she did not want to move back.

"And what is your problem? The one the Gods have not helped you with."

She didn't know why but she felt as if she could tell him. For some reason, her very soul was singing to trust the mortal Apollo. He looked as if he wanted to know what she had to say. No man ever did. They wanted her to be seen and not heard. So she told him.

"My father wishes to wed me to a man I have never met."

Apollo, as she had started referring to him in her mind, let out a short, harsh laugh.

"It seems as if we are in the same boat. My father has decided that I have been a bachelor for too long and I need a wife."

This surprised her a little. He was very, _very _handsome. He could have any woman he wished. Not just because of his looks, though they certainly played a part, but he seemed to exude this air. An air that would inspire many a woman to unwillingly be captivated by him. Why would a man who would be desired by many women choose not to wed? Feeling as if she could perhaps ask him yet wanting to be tenacious she inclined her head and posed question as gently as she could.

"Do you not wish to marry?"

His eyes seeked hers out and She knew she was being incredibly forward. That she should break her contact with him and blush like any proper girl should. But Eponine could not find it within her to stop looking at his cerulean eyes. They captivated her, begged her to listen to his words.

"I have no interest in the mortal pleasures of marriage. There are more important things to think of."

"And what would they be?"

If any woman of society had seen her they would have reprimanded her and reminded her of her place as a woman. They were not to ask for information unless it was volunteered. A woman's opinion was hardly something a man needed. Apollo was not a woman of society. He seemed enthused by her question. As if answering would bring him pleasure.

He talked of the oppression of their people and the Roman occupation. His very hatred at the things the army did. He never took part in the killing unless it was in defence. He spoke of the plights he had seen in his travels. Eponine was completely captivated. Those cerulean eyes that had a fire when she first saw them blazed now. His words spun her a world that she had lived in but never truly known. It occurred to her that she had never met a man who had showed so much passion. She rather liked it.

As the night wore on and dusk transformed itself into evening, the darkness overtook the last of the light. At not some point they must have sat down but Eponine could not tell even if pressed by the Gods themselves. All she knew in that precious time was the Apollo who was less statue and more fire than any she had ever known. But even if her mind was engaged with Apollo her body was still exposed to the elements. She shivered slightly as goosebumps appeared on her arms. Apollo faltered in his words when he saw her wrap her arms around herself.

"Are you cold?" His voice was quieter than before. It held a sense of resignation. He pulled himself up from where they had been sitting and reached his hand to her.

"Yes, but that is not a problem." She knew she was lying and she could tell that he knew she was lying. She bowed her head so as not to catch his eye and did her best to ignore his outstretched hand. It was far past the time when she should have been home. Her father might be lenient because of the news he had told her, but she had to get home soon.

But leaving would mean ending this meeting with Apollo and every fiber in her being was telling her not to. Yet, she could not stay here with this Apollo forever, she needed to leave. She breathed a sigh of acceptance and took the offered hand. It was a sensation she had never felt before. Her entire body felt warmer and the origin was where his hand met hers.

"Actually Apollo, I regret to say that I must take my leave. My family must have been expecting me for quiet some time."

"Apollo?" His eyes twinkled as he asked her and his mouth's curve became more pronounced.

Eponine's face burned scarlet for the first time that night. Her head dropped as she thought of what to tell him.

"Um.. That's how I've been..um..referring to you in my head." She thought her eyes would be forever be glued to the ground. There was no way she could look at Apollo now.

"Well, Alcyone I think that's as fine a name as any."

Her head snapped at the name.

"Alcyone?"

Apollo's cheeks took on a reddish hue. His blue eyes started darting around their surroundings. They looked at everything but her. Apollo seemed to be grasping for words as he did a remarkable impression of a fish.

"She is one of the Pleiades; the Seven Sisters. It's said that the were so overcome with grief that the took their own lives then the Gods made them into stars and placed them in the heavens. Alcyone is the brightest of them all. Just like you." his eyes captured hers and his words went straight to her heart."I believe that you will shine Alcyone, that whomever you marry will not douse out your flame."

He looked to still be embarrassed but she was the opposite. Eponine could not believe her ears. This man, this Apollo, compared her to one of the brightest stars in the heavens above. She moved towards him till there was only a sliver of space between them. In this moment of time where her vision was only filled with his face bathed in the silver light of the moon, there was no one but them. There was no betrayal, no plight. There were no societal barriers preventing them from doing as the wished. There was only Apollo and Alcyone.

Eponine reached on her tip-toes and pressed a butterfly caress of a kiss to his cheek. She had never done anything of the sort before and the feeling was something she could not put into words. It was as if the whole world stopped for something that was bigger than time and space. She rested back on her feet and took the utmost care not to catch his eye.

"Goodbye Apollo."

"Alcyone," Eponine turned around to face him. "Don't lose hope."

Eponine gave him a small smile, barely a curve of her lips, gathered her time shawl around her and started walking back towards her home. She turned back for one last look at her Apollo. He stood where she left him with his fingers lightly tracing his cheek. She tried to clear her head and resume her journey.

_Perhaps in another life Apollo._

* * *

Upon arriving home Eponine saw her father's gaze bore into her very person. She ignored him completely and moved to her chamber. Her father,of course, followed. He was the sort who wanted to control every part of his daughter's life.

"Where were you?"

Eponine removed her shawl, placed it on the small table by her and her sister Aurelia's bed then turned to look at her father. _The man who sired me anyway._

"Out."

A cruel sneer formed on her father's face as he advanced to where she stood.

"Do not try to be clever with me girl."

Eponine took a long at her father. The light from the candle Aurelia must have left out for her danced on on her father's face. The flames lit up the contours of his face highlighting the passage of the years on his face. _I remember when you were kind... _Eponine shook the useless memories from her mind and turned away from him. The father she once knew no longer existed.

"Do not worry, _father. _I have not been whoring around if that is what you are worried about." The words are biting and for one second she sees an expression so close to apology flitacross his face. But of course it disappeared as quick as it came; her father was once more the man who was selling his kin.

"You will live a life of luxury girl. Do not pretend that I am throwing you to some unspeakable doom."

Eponine turned back towards her father with a flame borrowed from Apollo himself blazing in her eyes.

"Yes, a luxurious life I will lead when my _darling husband _forces himself on me. He is after all a soldier of the Roman Army, did you not care that he can probably overpower me quicker than I can scream. Or that I will most likely be forced to carry child after child. That I will be forced to raise children born from a man who essentially _bought _me." Her voice rose higher and higher as she advanced on her father. "Indeed father, my life will be most luxurious when I am the wife of a militant. When I am no longer a person of my own; simply a glorified whore."

Eponine's face was flushed and her chest heaved. If she were to really marry this brute then she shall make all her opinions known. She would not escape the situation like some coward and take her own life, she would rather fight. Her father was an underhanded human being, but he was clever and he was cunning. She was her father's daughter. She would not follow his footsteps but by all the Gods in Olympus would she use the skills he taught her. She was the daughter of a wolf. She was stronger than any man. She was not scared of some military brute.

Eponine's father grabbed her upper arm in a grip stronger than marble.

"Just remember girl that even in your marriage, you belong to me. If your husband brings you back I will not hesitate to cast you out of my home and our lives. Perhaps I can send Aurelia in your place." His voice was so quiet yet it stung like venom upon her flesh.

Eponine knew that the father who loved her no longer existed yet it still hurt to see him like this. To see him not caring about his children at all.

She heard movement behind her as Aurelia rose from their shared bed. Her sisters fingers wrapped around her wrist and guided her to their bed. She then rose to get some damp rags for Eponine's hands. It wouldn't do for the bruise to get too obvious. Eponine didn't talk to her sister as she wet the bruise but she could hear her sister's small stifled sobs. Her hand reached out and cupped her sister's cheek. With her thumb she wiped her tears and looked at the grey eyes Aurelia had inherited from their father.

"It will all be fine," her voice was quiet as she lied to her baby sister. She loathed lying to those she loved but it sometimes was best to tell Aurelia that the stray cat she was looking after escaped instead of telling her that a soldier had killed it when it wouldn't move out of his way.

* * *

Eponine spent all of her time thinking of her Apollo. Through her mother planning the wedding and the new robes being ordered, she only thought of him. At night she dreamt of his eyes and during the day his words would sooth her at her worst moments. She knew it was not healthy to daydream of him like this. She was probably never going to see Apollo again, yet she couldn't stop herself. Banishing him from her thoughts meant accepting her fate. A fate that was to be carried at sundown. Today she would wed her betrothed.

"Eponine,for the sake of the Gods would you please listen to me?"

Her mother threw the robes in her hands on the table in frustration. If there was one thing her mother hated, it was people not listening to her. Eponine took ages just to stretch out of the curled position she was in, stretch her neck then turn to look at her mother. Her mother who was now fuming.

"I'm sorry mother, carry on readying me for my 'happy day'"

Her mother's face hardened and her jaw set.

"This all for you. Everything I do, I do for you."

Eponine scoffed at her mother.

"Mother, I will accept this marriage because I have no other options, but don't you dare say that my marriage to some brute will benefit me in any way. This is all for the family."

Her mother got up from where she was sitting and kneeled directly in front of Eponine. She cupped Eponine's face in her hands as she always did when Eponine was a child. Eponine's mother gazed directly into Eponine's eyes. Two brown orbs physically identical. But where one still had the remnants of childish naivety, the other held sorrows and tragedies.

"You have no idea how much idea I love you,my child. Trust me when I tell you that this is all for you. I don't want you to end up like me. I don't want for your innocence to be taken by some villain with a pretty face." Her mother's faced was twisted into a grimace as if reliving her past. Her voice sounded choked up, but she kept talking. "Do not think that I regret having you or your brother or your sister. I love you all _so _much my child. But I wish that I had done more for myself. I wish I could have been more for you to look up to.

"I know you just see me as a girl who got impregnated by the first man who showed her attention. And you're right. I ruined myself. My father told me I had to wed your father when I fell pregnant and I no one would listen to my protests. I had perhaps loved your father once, what I thought of as love anyway. But I did not want to marry him. I do not want the same thing for you. Your betrothed is said to be a good man. He will be able to care for you and in time maybe you will come to care for him."

"Mother-"

"Eponine if I hadn't been blinded by lust I might have seen your father for what he truly was. I could've been set up in a comfortable marriage where I didn't resent my husband. I do not regret having you. Not one little bit. But I do wish I was more for you. And I will not let you repeat my mistakes."

Eponine felt the softness of her mother's lips pressed to her forehead just like when she was a child. Her eyes shut at the familiar feeling. It brought back memories of when she was a child and her mother would always kiss her forehead before she went to sleep.

She did not agree with her mother. She was not her and she would not make her mistakes. But she could see her mother's point. Her mother thought she was helping her like this. She was only trying to save her the fate she had suffered.

Eponine stood and pulled her mother to her feet with her. She picked her robes off the table and put them in her mother's hand, then pressed her lips to her mothers hands.

"Time to get me ready."

More tears streamed down Eponine and her mother's cheeks but they did not talk about them. Instead they got ready.

* * *

Eponine felt as if she were in a tunnel.

The sickly sweetness of her guests' perfumes mingled with the scent of the roasted beast's flesh. People around her had the laughs of those who had met the end of a bottle more than once tonight. The night should have been cold but the proximity of others and the smoke from the fire made it stifling. Person after person came to congratulate her. Their fake smiles and empty wishes of happiness made her more sick than their lavish fragrances did. Her breaths were short and frequent. Her vision was beginning to blur. She reached to grab the closest thing to her; her brother's hand.

Eponine said nothing but her brother could see her distress. Her little brother,who was barely tall enough to reach her shoulders,led her through the mass of people. Up close,she could smell the disgusting sweat and the scorching heat of their bodies. It did nothing to help her head.

Once inside the cool sanctuary of their house, Gaius guided her to the bench in the front chamber. He started to move away and Eponine's hand reflexively reached out for his forearm. He turned around and gave her the smile he saved especially for his favourite sister.

"I'm only going to get the water pitcher. I won't be a moment."

Gaius bowed a complicated bow and winked at her with a happiness that was the very essence of Gaius. That simple act of juvenile innocence brought a smile to her face. She wished she could keep her brother a child forever. But one day little Gaius will have to grow up. He will have to fulfill his duties to the family and marry someone who will improve theirstation. Aurelia would no doubt have to go through the same thing as well.

Eponine felt more helpless than she ever had before. Her baby siblings would have to go through what she's doing now. Pretty, almost fragile Aurelia who sang back to birds and danced around the house when she was happy. And little Gaius. Strong, resilient Gaius with the toothy smile and the constant mischief in his eyes.

She felt her heart break at the future of her siblings. Eponine felt her world closing in on her again. The pristine white walls of their house started closing in on her.

_Out. I need to get out._

Eponine stood and headed for the door. She felt herself swaying on her feet and the world started to tilt. _I need air. _Eponine started to reach blindly around her. Try as she did, her vision was filled with nothing but the eventual futures of her brother and sister. Her own future. The night ahead. She would have to lay with her new husband tonight. The thought only increased her anxiety. Breathing became as hard as it did when she was outside.

"My child, why are you in here?"

The faked sincerity in her father's voice was just what she needed to be dragged away from her dark thoughts. All the fear and helplessness she as feeling soon turned itself into anger and resentment.

"I'm sorry father. I hope I didn't interrupt your _business deal. _Did I reach a fair price or were you forced to sell me for less than my worth?"

Her father's eyes flashed with anger and the promise of punishment was evident in his eyes. But her father was like the weather; he changed in an instant. He turned to the company she only just noticed and put on his loving father visage.

"Oh forgive my Nina. She's always joking."

Normally she would have said something at her father's blatantlyfalse statement. Normally she would have have tried –and succeeded- to embarrass her father. Normally whomever was with her father would turn their noses at her rude and unladylike behavior. Normally her father wasn't accompanied by Apollo.

Apollo moved towards her and they could have been right by the river bank a fortnight ago. He took her hands in hiss and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. He uttered one word in a voice that had been haunting her for weeks.

"Alcyone"


End file.
